Ade Hilman

One time, a middle-aged man, an
arrogant foreign lawyer told me “For me having a cigar is the second most
enjoyable and pleasure after sex, you want to have one Cuban piece for you to
puff?” Hmm…it makes me think that it means cigar somehow can give a significant
satisfaction to people. Since even this old guy can put it as the second
pleasure in his life after sex haha..

Several of my Grandfather’s pictures
show how much he highly appreciated cigars. A picture was taken of him
describing his “hard and un-negotiable face” during a negotiation in the Netherlands. His eye was extremely sharp, sealed lips and looks so firm. His right hand’s
fingers hels a “punch” brand cigar with the Churchill size. My Grandmother told
me “Bapak (the name I addressed my
Grandfather) was a high-ranked negotiator during his days, a hard man that
sometimes can be exploded with anger during negotiations if it was deemed
necessary and many times a cigar can calmed him down and in a way it was a sign
to his counterparties that he will not let himself lose over a negotiation”. A
younger friend of his told me “Mr. Kees Djajadiningrat, acted as a real
intellectual in appreciating cigars, he acted properly as a high-level cigar
aficionado. The way he collects them, keep them, light them and enjoyed them”.
Many times I was uncomfortable spending time with him when he was having a
piece. I hate the smell and it gave me the creep. With regard to cigars, the
last word he told me before he died was “Ade, you are my youngest grandson and
I think it is too early for me to teach you about cigars, probably I won’t have
enough time until you grow up, but I do believe that one day you will
understand it by yourself regarding things in this life that real men should
appreciate and should enjoy, one of them is cigar. Pray for me by the time you
realized that!!”

Bapak’s father was Achmad
Djajadiningrat, who died before my mother was born. He had a different ways of
appreciating cigars. During his time he
was the Bupati of Banten and was the first “Bumiputera” regent of Batavia.

Different than
Bapak, the stories passed to me was that he did not use cigars for negotiation
purposes but more to enjoyed it during his leisure moments, particularly in the
family. He was the “Godfather” of our
big family and during the moments of discussions between him and his younger
brothers and family members he would light a piece of cigar to have long chats.
One picture of him I like, it was during an Idul Fitri day. He had a cigar and
there was a box of cigar on the family table.

Achmad’s younger brother, his
replacement who became the next Bupati after Achmad was Hilman Djajadiningrat,
the father of my Grandma. He has other ways in appreciating cigars. We have
quite many similarities, same name, both like horses and weapons and women as
well hahaha..My mother said sometimes he enjoyed cigars while he was slowly
riding a horse or at the terrace while having coffee or a little bit of liquor.

Now about me if I may write. I never
was a cigar aficionado but I highly into cigarettes, particularly by having the
consideration that cigars are damned expensive and uneasy to afford!!. During a dinner of lawyers back in 2006, a
foreign partner who was a cigar aficionado offered others to have cigars. Only
one local partner accepted the offer and myself, but after a few puffs I said
“Excuse me if I look as if I have low knowledge to appreciate cigars, perhaps
since I’m a beginner”. The old foreigner replied “By the way you lighted it and
smoke it, you obviously don’t look like a beginner, or perhaps you are a
natural!”. At that moment I said to myself “Oucchh, perhaps it’s true what my
Mother said about cigars, it’s a damn tradition amongst the men within our
family!!”. During my secondment in Kuala Lumpur last year, I had cigars several times
occasionally and after that when I was back in Jakarta I realized that perhaps now I have
became an aficionado. My Mother laughed after she heard my stories and said
“Well, then consider yourself as a natural born successor of the family
tradition, you look old when you have cigars but just live with it!!
Haha”… Hmm…and now I just love having
cigars. It can calm me down, give me enjoyment and as one of the activities
that will keep me remembering my forefathers hahaha. I start learning about
cigars, I found it highly interesting since basically I just love things in
this life that have tradition, history and manners. There are particular
appropriate code of ethics with regard to cigars, starting with the proper way
to light it, having and enjoying it until proper manners how to put it aside
after you are finished with it. However, I don’t think cigars would be on the
second place in terms of enjoyment after sex!!!hahahaha

Well, my forefathers loved it and now I
love it..some traditions perhaps should be carried out after all.

It is not the first time for me facing unavoidable
battles in life. It has been more than 15 years as I remember that my life is
full of such unavoidable hard conditions to face. There were battles I had to
attend within my family or in order to defend my family. Many times, which I
vaguely recall, had to do it also to defend my self. Many times feel so tired
in doing it. When you bleed hardly physically or metaphysically, it will push
you down under until you feel that probably you almost reach the end of
everything..at least that’s how I feel in those battles.

I thought 2005 was the time for my greatest battle,
but then afterwards I’ve been reminded and in the end I realized that 2005 was
not the only and certainly not the last heavy battle I have to face and attend.
2005 was only the beginning, the first heavy war I experienced.

Now I’m facing the second greatest battle. It is now
understood by me why in this life many people say that “the utmost hard to face
kind of enemies are actually those who are related to you”, it’s just like
civil war. We will feel a never-ending
internal and external conflicts.

It is never easy when you have to face a much older
and greater opponent. Especially when such opponents always look down on you,
and think that you will never be an equal or proper match to them.  At this time I wish that can avoid fighting or
facing him, but I can’t. I just can’t.

Both of us will never know why God decided us to
have this kind of paths..

For the first time of my life I feel that on one
side I don’t want to win over him, but on the other side I pray that he will
not gain victory over me. I’m confused. However this time I promise myself that
I will not let him stepping as he like over me..will not accept anymore insults
from him.

I don’t know exactly what to do, I just prepare
myself, prepare my weapons and will fight until the end. I pray that God make
this happen for the best and I hope that our ancestors involvements would be
the right thing that should happen.

Old
souls tend to be tolerant and inclusive, and at least try to be open to other
ways of looking at things. However, they may become upset by people whose
points of view are rigid and exclusive. So if they are trying to respect
different points of view, they may not respect people whose points of view do
not respect other points of view.

It is
hard to understand a soul age older than your own. However, every soul age is
arrogant about other soul ages in certain ways. As mentioned, old souls can be
arrogant about those who are intolerant. Mature souls can be arrogant about
those who are not taking life as seriously as they are, who do not care as
deeply and fervently about their values or who do not take values seriously at
all. Young souls can be arrogant about those who are not able to cut it in the
world, those who seem to be misfits. Baby souls can be intolerant of those who
are not “following the program,” who are not being a “good boy” or girl,
falling into line. And infant souls can be arrogant toward those whom they
think are making life too complicated or who are too disconnected from the
practical aspects of survival.

Being an old soul means that we
have gone through particular stages of experience, which may or may not result
in increased wisdom. Wisdom relates to having a conscious awareness of the
meaning of one’s experience, and is available at any stage. Naturally, a larger
perspective can come with greater experience, but that is not, of itself, wisdom.

If you don’t want to be scolded,

Then live carefully without making too much violation.

If you don’t want to be mocked,

Then you watch your attitude in living this life.

If you don’t want to be disrespected,

Then try to respect others first and prove that you are worthy to be respected.

If you don’t want to be hurt,

Then don’t hurt others first or don’t make flaws that can make other hurt you.

If you want to live and be treated as kings or queens,

Then live and act like one..

If you want to be treated and considered to be decent,

Then live and act and respect decency in this life.

If you don’t want to be treated like garbage,

Then don’t live like one.

If you don’t want to be deemed or treated as bastards and bitches,

Then don’t live like bastards and bitches, yet if you once are like that, then change and “know your position” and don’t act as if you are okay.

It all applies for the past, present and future..it’s still amaze me when bastards and bitches are acting with hypocrisy as if they are decent people who are worthy to be treated highly without realizing what they did or do.

Take a good look at yourself in the mirror before you act on something or someone who is more rightful then you..

For the past fifteen years, only You my God truly knows how much mistakes and sins I have committed to my Mother, how hard I’ve been to her…how strong and solid I do stand appear in front of her…how many times I made her worries and how many times I’ve made her cry with so many tears she has given for me…

Yes I have my sins to her and I sincerely admit those sins with all my heart, but dear God..you are the only one who truly and deeply knows about how much love I have for her…how high my respect and appreciation to her all my life…should I have a chance to convey all the feelings I have with respect to her…oh my God, perhaps it might take ages for me to tell about it since there are so many things within my feelings that even I would be unable to describe it one by one…

Therefore all I am capable of at this present moment is to pray for her…Dear All-Mighty, kindly allow me to say a little pray for her…as I promised that in the future I shall always do..even when both of us can no longer see each other…

Dear, God I humbly beg you for all the best that a women could get in this life You have granted to us…kindly give it to my Mother..please provide her with sweetness in any kind…give her great grandchildren, that would give her love as well as obtained love from her…give her an honorable place within this life and the other life afterwards…Give her the chance to see and to be proud of her sons, daughter, grandchildren…

So many praying I’d like to request you dear God…but please forgive with all my lacks and limitations as a human that I am still unable to say it one by one at this right moment, but at least hear the aforementioned prayings..those are what I have in mind at this present moment…

And my dear God, You have always known all this time that I have one thing I would very like to do about my Mother, Kindly grant this one…please give me a chance to have one dance with her…I hope that one wish came true at the same time when I could have the first dance with the woman I chose to be my spouse…I would be very happy and glad to have such woman to see me honoring my Mother, as I also promise that I would honor her and her mother…dear God, kindly allow me to do that dance with my mother… I simply would like to have the opportunity to show the world how much I respect and honor the woman who has given birth to me and given all the best for me…

Dear God, last but not least you know that despite the facts regarding how I act towards women, You know for sure that, as my Mother always teach me…I do have a high appreciation towards my Mother’s kind…though I don’t always show it and You know that my hardness is mostly originated due to such kind of respect to them..

Amin..

Men fighting battles since the beginning of time for various kinds of purposes

Some fights to win

Some fights in order to defeat another

Some fights to conquer

Some fights to won over something from another

Some fights for passion

Some fights for ambition

Some fights for pride

Some fights for honor

Some fights for hatred

Some fights for vengeance

Some fights for pleasure

Some fights for what they believe

Some fights for nothing at all

And many other purposes which would be hard to be defined one by one

Yet among such many purposes, there is one pure and high purpose, which has been forgotten by us nowadays while in fact such purposes is the one with true honor and deserves to be highly respected as a descent Victory…

Whereby to fight with respect to one purpose so called “survival”…

Toughness..

Nowadays, too many people are so into toughness, or should I say being hard.. Being stubborn and hardheaded even hardhearted without maintaining the appropriate ability to deeply comprehend the meaning of such characteristic or way of thinking as well as its consequences.  The funny thing is that those people set their mind as if they are smart enough, tough and strong enough, meanwhile actually they are not.  Pretend and appear as if they are tough and hard in facing lots of things, even on matters resulting due to their own mistakes… wearing a mask and defend themselves behind it as if they never made serious mistakes by saying “I surely knows what I’m doing without having any regrets afterwards, as long as I know I’m right, then it shall never be deemed as a mistake”.. Meanwhile, they always stay in their denials whereby actually they knew, even since the beginning, that they are totally wrong and that their negative conducts brings bad impact to others.., even might break somebody else’s or some other people’s heart…. Pathetic…

One thing that always wonder, doesn’t it ever crossed their minds that out there, there are people who are much stronger, much experienced and much wiser then them?? Who knows so well about the art of toughness?.. The sad things about those pathetic people is that by the time they are defeated by tougher people, they might cry out loud even until begging for mercy due to their defeat.. in the end they mostly became the one who would ask for help.. Many times I wonder…. For me pretending to be hard or trying to be tough without appropriate justifications is a stupid and cowardice thing to do…

Just like what are happenings nowadays… As they say “If you play with fire, then you might or will get burned.  Thus if you play around with fire, make sure that you are strong enough to face the flame or even got burned.. If you play with fire, make sure you are doing it with respect to necessity instead of simply personal interest or in other words just to play around to please yourself… If you think or do otherwise.. that will mean that you are still a person with lacks of wisdom..or even stupid”.

I don’t know for sure whether I properly know about the thing called "love"..but there’s a line I catched in a movie that talks about it and I agree with such lines, heregoes: "One of the most important things included in `love` is about respect.  The mutual respect given and obtained from and towards each other.  How could you love someone if you don’t respect them and do not gain their respect to you?…My question is.. so far it is so hard to find the one with the capability to give respect or to be respected..some were just too arrogant and some were just unworthy…still..I hope and pray that one day I’ll be able and be given the opportunity to have love with sense of respect..wonder where would the relevant lady is right now..hahaaaaa…

AQUARIUS MAN
Hot-hearted man who likes to do thing his way. He can suddenly decide to do something without thinking of it’s outcome. He is the type of guy with an inside energizer, so if you fall in love with this type of guy be "patient", even if you have to follow him a bit. His creative mind could create fantastic idea any time. If you do not understand or can not follow him, you won’t be with him for long.
A man in this Zodiac will less likely to have a pale skin, and if he has a scar, it would be on his face or on his head. He moves very fast and very energetic, and he has a very self confident in himself. He is not the type to sit down and feel sorry or regret anything for long, especially with "Love". He loves justice. He dares to show his opinion or even argue about certain subject even he knows it might bring him problems. A straight forward type of guy.

He hardly lies except if he think it is necessary and he is not a good liar anyway. He will not lie to you about serious matter, but if he lie he will lie only a small little thing. He is gifted with the ability to be a very social person. He could talk even about subject that he has no knowledge of.
He interests only at the present time and look at the world positively. Many times he feels hurt because of reality, but he will not run away and he will overcome that difficulty.

Even he is a high and self confident type and center his own thought as a main focus, but at the same time he is a kind, cute and polite guy. He certainly is not a mean person. He likes to help people who are in troubles even he is not asked to. He is the type who feels sorry if you remember bad things he said to you that he had already forgotten,but you did not. Belief him that he is very sorry and give him another chance.

Once he decides to do something, he will put all his mind and energy in it either in his "Work", or "Love". He is the type who gamble anything in the casino, so do not even take him there. He does not like pessimistic, low energy, and depress person, especially no brain. Strangely he like to overpowered this type of people to assure that he is more superior.

He like to be the first person to do something. You can see sparkling in his eyes, once he meet a new target or new lover. Once he is in love, he will act as if he never has love like this before. This minute he could be real sugar sweet, and later he could also be an icy cold, but do not blame him for that will only chase him away. He could fall in love again with another girl and act again like he never has this kind of love before.  He could really love someone, but not a heart broken type for he thinks love is "excitement" and "Love goes on".

If you date this kind of guy, do not or avoid showing your face to him with face pack, face mask, always be presentable, nice and cute. If he is quiet not because he is shy, but he is only quietly thinking. If you have a chance to ask his X-girlfriend, she will tell you that he is not a shy or quiet type. If he is really and truly in love with you, he will never lie to you at all. How do you know if he loves you, bet on your faith! Love him and treat him steadily and do not try to find anything to argue with him, he will be with you for sure.

If you are his lover or girlfriend and need to tell him something, go and say it out loud and straight forward because he hate long boring story. He hate to play games, chasing for love or being chased, so let him call you first. He likes a confident woman who also a good follower. If he gets mad at you, let him be for only a short time he will be normal again. You have to like and be able to get along with his friends, but he does not have to do so with all your friends.

Don’t ever think you could make him jealous by flirting with other man, he will just leave instead of making a scene because he is a confident man and has to be the first in everything.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy…